Not only do we live in a living universe, but the living universe lives within us.
— Duane Elgin
The direct experience of life carries its own meaning and requires no intellectual explanation."
For the past month I've been experiencing an unsettling kind of "unraveling" where life isn't making much sense to me. What the heck is really going on here? What is life anyway? We somehow arrive in these imperfect, needy, and vulnerable bodies, in this totally wild and wacky world, and then die in a few dozen years.
Time is a bizarre construct, the whole universe arises anew each and every moment, evolution seems to be happening, and the whole thing is so much bigger than I am. Nothing I do matters... and yet everything I do matters. There are no right answers, no guarantees, no ultimate rules, and no ultimate maps.
My neat and tidy worldview seems to be undergoing another round of necessary disillusionment. Veils of certainty are dissolving, boxes are crumbling, old motivations are becoming highly suspect, and lines are getting very wiggly.
In the Trillium Awakening world, we have a beautiful term for this post-awakening process: Sacred Reconfiguration.
Sacred Reconfiguration: A post whole-being realization passage that is characterized by a profound reconfiguration of our most deeply held conditioning and beliefs about ourselves and the world.
What I realized this morning is that it's not so much that I feel life is meaningless, but it's that my mind is so utterly incapable of grasping the meaning of life. My mind is utterly incapable of comprehending the utter enormity of the Mystery. Over and over it just keeps landing on "wtf?!"