Radical Self-Care

Appleblossom Orchid photo by Margit Bantowsky

For those of us oriented towards service and helping others, it can be a real challenge to take our own needs into consideration. When there's so much suffering in the world, so much at stake, and so much to do, it can seem selfish and indulgent to slow down, rest, cook a decent meal, take a bath, or take a walk outside. 

Also, when our energy and attention is devoted to survival and just making it through each day, self-care can feel completely out of reach.

Radical self-care involves the capacity to fundamentally value ourselves, to sense deeply and know what our true needs are, and then to take steps and advocate for ourselves.

It also involves having radical trust that it's OK if we include ourselves in the bigger equation. Knowing that not only is our well-being OK, but that our well-being is necessary for the well-being of the whole. 

What, then, gets in the way of doing radical self-care for ourselves?

That's the question I posed in my recent All Hearts on Deck sitting for Trillium Awakening practitioners, and which was the heart of the guided meditation "Radical Self-Care". 

I say "radical" because the meditation goes deeper into what's really in the way of nourishing ourselves - usually unconscious fears and beliefs imprinted from our earliest years. 

Some of the radical/ root blocks to self-care we discovered included:

• Confusion & Overwhelm: not knowing what's a priority. This can sound like "I don't know what to do!", or "I don't know what to trust, including myself," or "What if I get it wrong?" or "I'm utterly overwhelmed." So I'll either just freeze, or, spin out in scattered, frantic energy.
• Heart-break: I'm afraid of causing more suffering... "Seeing others' suffering is utterly unbearable. It's too much, I can't take it." So, I'll either shut down and numb my feelings, or, I'll become a martyr for the cause and just go, go, go to reduce suffering at all costs.
• Powerlessness: I can't bear to see my limitations... "If I just do a little bit more, or do the right thing, then I can make the pain go away", or "If I keep pushing hard, then things won't collapse into disaster." So, I'll either slump down into despair and cynicism, or, I'll drive myself ragged trying to be a super-hero.
• Unworthiness & Shame: Everybody else's needs are much more important than mine... "I don't deserve  to ask for anything", or "How dare I have pleasure when others are suffering? How dare I be so selfish?" So, I'll ignore my own needs and work really hard to assuage the guilt of my even existing.
• Fear of Judgment & Rejection: It's deeply unbearable when people think less of me, or reject me... "If I don't do what they want or expect, then I'll be judged and shunned." So I'll ignore my needs and make other people comfortable and stay connected to them, even if it causes me harm.

You may relate to one or all of these undercurrents, I know I do!

Would like to experience a shift in one of your blocks to radical self-care?

If so, I invite you to listen to my 18-minute guided meditation.  

Here's someone's recent experience of the meditation: 

"This meditation helped me see that what was in the way of self-care was my anxiety about "the person in authority" not believing that my experiences are real. I also saw how I was worried that "I'm not the expert" and was doubting myself.

The meditation helped me realize that actually I do know - I'm more intimate with my body these days and I do know what's true for me. It became clear that I just need to speak my truth and go from there. I gained clarity around what I needed to do, instead of being stuck in worrying about others' responses."  
~ K.L., Trillium Awakening practitioner, and recent "All Hearts on Deck" participant

I hope this meditation helps you unwind old, unconscious patterns so that you have a better sense of what you truly want and need, and more ability to take action accordingly.

Remember - growth and healing are like peeling layers of an onion, and many incremental steps eventually do add up to substantive changes in our lives... so feel free to do this meditation multiple times. 

Whenever you notice that you're not taking good care of yourself, would be a great time to do this guided meditation!

I hope someday
you become so fluent in self-love 
that you know your worth like
it's your mother tongue

srwpoetry